My name is Yuan Quan. I like winter best.Because l can play in the snow and make a snowman. Winter is white and pretty.My mam and sister also like winter.I often make a snowman and play in the snow on winter. Sometimes I go shopping with my family.

　　修改后：

　　My name is Yuan Quan. I like winter best. Because l can play with the snow and make a snowman. In winter, the world is all white. My mum and sister also like winter. We often make snowmen and have a snowball fight together. It is very interesting.

　　修改老师：Crystal 老师

　　五年级:袁泉